Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Losing Someone You Love

I am going to let you know ahead of time that this blog post is not going to be one of my short, sweet, or funny posts that I like to normally write for you. As most of you know who have been following my blog for awhile now, I have a very good friend of more than 18 years, whose mom has terminal cancer. Unfortunately at this point it is just a waiting game as to when she will take her last breath. Her time is definitely going faster than any of us had hoped. I wish she could have had more time to enjoy things before becoming so sick.

My heart goes out to my friend. She and her mom are on my mind and in my thoughts quite frequently. I just feel so awful for her and wish I could make everything better. Since that is not possible I am making sure she knows I am here for her if she needs me. She knows I am just a phone call away. I've told her to call me whenever she needs to no matter what time of day or night it is. I feel like I should be right there by her side helping her. I probably would if I didn't have my son. With him being just a baby it would probably be more of a hassle to have us there than a help.

I've got to tell you that I think my friend is an amazing person for being there for her mom the way she has been there. She really should be proud of what she has been doing for her mom and what she will be continuing to do for her. For the most part, she has been doing everything for her mom and I mean everything. She was the one taking her to nearly every doctor appointment before the treatments stopped. She is the one who helps bathe her mom and feed her. She gives her her medicine and helps her in and out of bed to use the restroom. I am so so proud of her! Not everyone would step up and do what she is doing. Heck, not everyone in her family is stepping up. She has a sister and a brother who I don't think have helped much. I have a feeling that all my friend is doing for her mom means the world to her. She may not necessarily say so but I just have this feeling. She only wants my friend to help her with things and give her medicine. That right there in my opinion means she loves, trusts, and appreciates her help. My friend said that she told her mom that she hoped she was as good to her as her mom had been to her mom. My friend said her mom smiled so that right there to me meant a thousand words. To me it was her way of saying thank you to my friend for all that she is doing. I know it is very tough right now for my friend having to see her mom like this. I'm sure she is tired, stressed, sad, angry, and who knows what other emotions right now. In the end though I think she is going to be glad she was there and glad she did all the things she has done and will do to help her mom in her last days.

As if my friend needed anything else to worry about she is also facing a tough decision. She has been battling whether or not to tell her 9 year old daughter what exactly is going on. I think she knows something is not right since the hospice nurses have been to the house so often and her grandma is obviously ill but I don't think she knows that her grandma will not be with them much longer. My friend faces the decision of telling her and then having her constantly thinking about it while also trying to concentrate on school or not telling her and just having her find out when the time comes. It is a very tough choice. I mean, do you tell her and then have her sit there and think, "My grandma is going to die anytime." Do you not tell her and then take away her chance to say her good-byes? Such a hard choice but I know my friend will figure out the best way to handle it. She knows her daughter better than anyone and will know which way would be easier for her.

She e-mailed me last night and tonight. In last night's e-mail she said her mom was talking "crazy" talk and having hallucinations. In tonight's e-mail she said that the "crazy" talk went on all night long last night. She ended up calling her brother and he came. They sat up with their mom all night last night and all day today. My friend had the nurse come today and she asked her about it all. Apparently it is called Terminal Restlessness. It's when they are ready to go and start having anxiety, agitation, and get restless. My friend thinks it is just a matter of days before her mom is gone. The nurse told them it could be days, weeks, or months but my friend really thinks it will just be days. Her mom has said she is ready and told my friend to have everyone that wants to, to come over, to have their chance to say good-bye.

Kudos to my friend's husband too! He has been there for her and helped her to be able to get though this. I'm sure it can't be easy for him to watch her and her family go through something like this. I just keep saying prayers for my friend and her family that they will have the strength they need to get though. I keep praying that my friend's mom will not be in any pain and that when it is her time to leave us it will be peaceful and painless. I know not everyone believes in the power of prayer but I am a firm believer in it and will keep saying them!

1 comment:

  1. It is such a blessing for your friend to have such a dear and supportive friend as yourself and her husband. In difficult times, it is much easier if you have support and love surrounding you. Your prayers, friendship, and support mean more to her than can be imagined.